Sunday, October 5, 2014

Naughty Wife Acts Up In Hubby's Tailgate Party Teepee. Gets A "Redskin."

Dear 1950s Wife,

I generally support a rule of no TV during the day for submissive wives, as we women are otherwise apt to squander valuable time watching soap operas, "Dr. Phil," "Judge Judy" and other empty-heady fare that would be better spent cleaning house, cooking dinner and washing clothes.

But as the spouse of a high-powered "Inside-the-Beltway" D.C. political operative, I make exception for myself, as I must be familiar with important current events to fulfill my role as a proper lobbyist's wife.

Consequently, from my 5:00 am wake-up to oversee cook preparing Hubby's hardy breakfast of flapjacks, scrambled eggs, biscuits, bacon and T-bone steak, throughout my busy day supervising the maid's cleaning our 10,000-square-foot home, my afternoon hour on the treadmill, during dinner and right up until 11:00 pm lights out following our customary three-hours of bed-shaking sex, Fox News plays loudly on all eight of our household TVs.

(I do turn the volume down during "martini time" after Hubby's return from work so I can listen appreciatively to his tales of the day's lobbying success before administering his pre-dinner blowjob. Also during the 30 minutes after supper he devotes to lecturing me for my faults and spanking me with the "naughty girl paddle" reminding me to be a better wife.)

As Fox News concentrates on serious issues, rather than "infotainment" and liberal blither-blather that dominates reporting and commentary on other networks, I'm as well-versed as a woman can be on all critical issues, including the subject that's dominating high-powered political discussion in D.C. at the moment: busy-body liberals' campaign to force Washington, D.C.'s professional football team to drop the nickname "Redskins."

How anybody can object to an east coast city using a caricature of a Great Plains Indian as team mascot is beyond me.

Sure the name "Redskin" had a bit of negative connotation back when cowboys and pioneers were settling this Great Land of Ours. But these days the term clearly means to honor the bravery of those marauding red raiders of the west as they descended on horseback on U.S. Calvary camps armed solely with bow-and-arrows, only to be sent to stay forever with The Great Spirit in the Sky after being mowed down by the Calvarymen's Springfield carbine rifles and Colt revolvers.

Besides, "Redskins" has been Washington's nickname for a long time, since 1937. If these "Johnny-come-lately Indians" don't like it, they can go back to wherever they came from.

With football season's return, Hubby and I are going the extra mile to show our support for our team and it's nickname.

As a high-powered lobbyist, Hubby considers it a wise use of firm funds to lease a 50-seat luxury skybox suite at the Redskins home stadium. It's a great chance to network with congressmen and their top-level aides, key players in the executive branch, high-powered corporate executives and other VIPs. And because we always give one of the 50 tickets to an underprivileged child, Hubby can write off the suite's cost as a tax deduction.

(By the way, I've been pleasantly surprised by the strong work ethic of the kids invited to the games who come from lower-income D.C. neighborhoods. Give them a broom and dustpan and promise of a dollar tip for sweeping up dropped beer bottle tops and cocktail napkins and they keep our suite as clean as a whistle. Obviously it's only the temptation of cushy welfare benefits as adults that prevents them from putting that work ethic to good use later on as high-powered professionals and business executives for Fortune 500 corporations.)

Along with the suite, Hubby's lobbying firm also shells out a pretty penny for a large block of parking spaces in the VIP section of the lot adjacent to the stadium. It's our custom to set up tables in the lot to serve our guests champaign, caviar, foie gras, oysters Rockefeller, frog legs and other tailgate treats prepared by one of D.C.'s finest chefs.

In years past, we've used a standard outdoor party tent to shelter the tables. But this season, with our team's venerated nickname under attack, we decided to show support by using a custom-made teepee in Redskins' team colors of burgundy and gold with the Indian mascot's war-painted face painted on it.

While my normal game outfit is a smart dress, silk scarf, stockings, heels and pearls, this season I wear a buckskin mini-dress that barely covers my bloomers, mocassins and a hairband with feather attached.

We got to the most-recent home game two hours early. I was pleased to see the teepee assembled --  my husband commandeered his firm's interns for the task and to serve guests drinks and food -- and the hors d'oeuvres prepared. Guests soon arrived and, as the champagne flowed, our teepee hummed with conversation and laughter.

Just for fun, men at the party greeted each other with "Indian names": "Him Whose Son Got Into Harvard" and "Him Whose Law Firm Grosses $100 Million in Annual Billing" are a few I remember. As more champagne was consumed, good-natured joshing took over and the names became dirty, including "Him With Puny Pee-Pee" and "Him Whose Squaw Won't Give Head."

Though my husband and I are ardent Republicans, I'm under strict orders to strike a bipartisan tone at social gatherings, as Hubby's lobbying efforts involve both sides of the aisle.

I was a good girl at first.

But, as I'm fond of saying, even though we've lived in D.C. twenty years now, "you can take the gal out of Orange County, but you can't take the 'Orange County' out of the gal." I'm afraid I had one too many glasses of champagne and, before you know it, I was in a heated conversation with a gal who didn't take too kindly to my descriptions of the many moral failings of our thankfully-soon-to-be-ex-President Barrick HUSSEIN Obama.

I didn't take her for a Fellow Traveler at first, as her blonde curls, pearls and Lily Pulitzer dress made her resemble the standard southern sorority girl a few years out of college working the Congressional GOP circuit. So I was taken aback when she wrinkled her nose when I cheerfully noted that the impending Republican takeover of the Senate in mid-term elections means a quick impeachment of Obama for his many high crimes and misdemeanors, thus sparing our country two more years of mismanagement and malfeasance.

"What high crimes are you referring to," she asked sarcastically in an accent far too "Bostonian" for my liking.

"Almost too many to mention," I said. "Saluting a proud member of the armed forces with a cappuccino in hand. Taking too-long vacations at taxpayer expense playing golf and walking on the beach in Hawaii rather than a quick weekend in a budget motel at places real Americans go to, such as Mrytle Beach and Panama City. Refusing to admit that he's a Muslim. The list goes on and on!"

Well, this "Jackie Kennedy wannabe" wouldn't back down, shouting at me that I sounded like a typical ignorant "Tea Partier" who gets all her misinformation from "F-A-U-X News." She spoke at me with such vitriol that finally I decided to cool her down by tossing my drink in her face.

She tossed her drink at me and the next thing you know we were in a full-on face-slapping, fingernail-clawing, hair-pulling girl fight!

This girl is several years younger than me, but shorter and not nearly as limber dressed in her knee-length Lily Pulitzer dress as I was in my buckskin miniskirt. And no Indian maiden put up as much fight wrestling a wild bear as I did battling this bitch.

After drawing fingernails full of blood clawing her face, I yanked her by the hair and dragged her across my knees. Then I lifted her floral skirt, yanked down her panties and spanked her bottom several times with my hand shouting "Say Uncle!"

But before she did, I heard a man shout "Girl Fight!" in a drunk voice and my combatant and I were sprayed with champagne. I wiped foam from my eyes to see the man is a well-known billionaire hedge fund manager fond of making large-scale political donations.

He stumbled over and poured the rest of his champagne bottle over us.

'Come on you bitches," he shouted. "Let's have a wet tee-shirt contest. Get up and shake your titties!"

Another man came by and led the hedge fund manager away. The rest of the party quickly dispersed from the teepee. The only ones left were me, my combatant, my husband and a person I recognized as an older Democratic congressman from an Appalachian state.

My husband lifted me to my feet and the congressman helped my combatant up.

My husband turned to the congressman and said "Congressman, I'm sure you'll agree that's it's best to keep this matter as quiet as we can. I'll pay for the dry cleaning of your aide's dress, any medical bills she may incur due to the scratches on her face, and, if you determine it's appropriate and consistent with House ethics rules, a gift of some sort to compensate for her pain and suffering."

Hubby continued: "An intern at my firm was helping out at the party. He's already used his cell to call my second-in-command and you can be sure our firm is treating this episode as an 'all-hands-on-deck red-button-crisis alert.' I can assure you that, as we speak, all who may have witnessed this unfortunate incident are being contacted and made to see the wisdom in not mentioning the matter to the media."

"Well, that's mighty thoughtful of you," the congressman drawled. "But I 'spect my aide and I don't have much to worry 'bout. This lil' gal is the daughter of one of my closest friends from my Army days, we were POWs together in Vietnam. He's on his death bed now, got the cancer, but I bet he'd be mighty glad to hear his lil' filly has a mess of fight in her, whether he reads it in the paper or hears it from me. And, while my constituents don't think too kindly of President Obama these days, they still think well of me. I'm not too worried about not being re-elected."

The congressman continued: "Young man, there's been a sad change in politics in our country since I first ran for Congress so many years ago after being released from that bamboo POW cage way over yonder in Vietnam. Oh sure, we Donkeys and Elephants had in our differences back then. But even in the darkest days of Watergate, a sense of politeness in public discourse carried the day. We respected the Office of the President, even if we sometimes disagreed with the actions and decision of the man holding said office. Nowadays, I'm afraid most of that civility is lost."

My husband interjected: "Congressman, you've given me a brilliant idea. A million dollar donation, with perhaps more to come, to establish a non-profit, bipartisan organization dedicated to restoring civility in politics with much of that money earmarked to pay the salary of your aide as executive director. What do you say?"

"Oh I don't think that will be necessary young man," the congressman said. "I'm grooming this 'lil gal to take over my job some day. Don't have children of my own you see."

The congressman continued: "I 'spect 'bout all we'll need is an apology from your wife to my aide. A heartfelt one. Then this matter shall go no farther."

Crisis resolved. My husband beamed.

"Oh, she'll apologize," Hubby said. "And it will be heartfelt. I can guarantee that!"

Boy oh boy did I get spanked hard. Hubby turned me over his knee, flipped up my little buckskin skirt, pulled down my bloomers and made my bottom so hot with his hand that I'm surprised it didn't send off smoke signals.

After he finished, I stood up and hopped from one foot to another, frantically rubbing my backside as I shouted "Ouchy, Ouchy!"

The congressman chuckled: "That's a mighty fine rain dance your squaw does. I hope the game doesn't get rained out."

After I settled down, my husband ordered me to kneel before the congressman's aide and kiss her hand.

Then I was made to say: "Please accept my humble apology for my atrocious behavior. I must always remember to be respectful to those with differing opinions when talking politics. I must also remember that, though I didn't vote for President Obama and I disagree with some of his policies, I must respect the Office of the President by not referring to the president, no matter which political party he or she represents, in rude terms."

The congressman's aide accepted my apology, though I could tell from the look in her eye that she was loving every second of my humiliation.

"Well that's settled," the congressman said. "Let's get going. Game's about to start. Go 'Skins! Take some scalps!"

But I had to sit in our Mercedes during the game as further punishment. My husband made one of his interns return to the car to keep an eye of me and make sure I didn't sneak a listen to the game on the car radio.

And when we got home, Hubby informed me that an underprivileged child will use my ticket for the remaining Redskins home games this season. I must sit in the naughty chair facing a corner of the living room during the games with no sound on the TV and our au pair watching me to make sure I don't peek out.

I know I was bad, but don't you think a spanking and sitting in the car for one game is enough punishment? I don't care about actually watching the games, but I love the pre-game tailgate parties.

And don't you agree that "Redskins" is a perfectly fine nickname for a football team?

Good woman:

Never do I cease to be amazed by the excesses of the moneyed set.

When my husband and I sit down on the sofa in the parlor of our 800-square-foot bungalow to watch our beloved Chicago Bears on our 12-inch black-and-white TV, we certainly have no use for champagne, caviar and other high-priced delicacies. He's perfectly content snacking on fried beef jerkey and beer ice cream I make for him, while the jello salad I treat myself to is more than sufficient.

But I take heart that, despite his lust for power and riches that accompany the lobbyist's lifestyle, your husband is still "down home" enough to recognize the need to properly punish you for your faults.

My wish is that, as you sit in silence in the naughty chair during remaining Redskins home games, you realize the error of your ways and resolve to forego foolish attachment to creature comforts. Perhaps then you may convince your husband to use his considerable political skills to benefit the commonweal, as evidenced by the wise Appalachian congressman and trusty aide you describe in your note, rather than pursuit of filthy lucre.

As far as the nickname "Redskins" is concerned, my alter ego recalls fond memories as a child and young adult living in the Washington, D.C. area cheering for the football team during its glory years in the 1970s and 1980s.

But, while not much heed was paid to the issue back then, there's no dispute that, unlike the no-longer acceptable words "colored" and "Negro" in referring to an African-American person, the term "Redskin" has from the beginning been a pejorative term meant to cast aspersions and it still carries that meaning. The time has come to give it up.

Or, as my alter ego has seen expressed on Facebook posts on the subject, change the mascot to a "redskin potato."

Monday, August 25, 2014

Submissive Wives Suffer "Ice Undies Challenge" for a Good Cause

Dear 1950s Wife:

My husband forbids me using Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and such because he wisely knows I'd waste precious time chitchatting with my gal pals about cute cat videos and other silly stuff that should be spent cleaning house, cooking his meals and laundering his clothes.

So I likely would never know about the craze crossing the country via social media of the "ice bucket challenge" in support for research into treatment of ALS disease except by overhearing a couple of ladies at the gym talking about their plans to participate.

Learning details from them, I decided that, even though our husbands forbid us using social media applications, our town's submissive wives should figure out a way to participate in such a worthy cause. So I dialed up the party line when I returned home and organized a coffee klatch the next morning at my house to discuss the project.

As we sipped black coffee -- sugar and cream aren't allowed on my diet and my husband wisely refuses the artificial stuff to be included in the grocery budget when beer, beef jerky, T-bone steaks and other necessities he enjoys cost so much -- we planned our participation in the challenge.

As we're used to our posteriors being painfully paddled by our husbands for even slight housekeeping errors, we agreed that subjecting ourselves to the momentary discomfiture of dumping buckets of ice over our heads was not much of a challenge.

Kneeling on peas for an hour or holding pennies with our noses against a wall for the same length of time were discussed -- my husband subjects me to both punishments at times as part of post-spanking reflection and, believe you me, neither are much fun -- but we decided a video of such activity wouldn't be very entertaining should we figure out how to sneak one up on You Tube.

One gal who lives out in the country suggested we poke ourselves with cattle prods but that idea was discarded as a bit too extreme.

Finally one wife who works part-time as a wedding planner came up with a brilliant suggestion: As elaborate ice sculptures are often part of wedding reception decorations, this gal figured it'd be no problem at all for the sculptor she uses to carve sets of bras and panties out of ice for us to wear.

Even on an extra hot summer day, ice undies would take an hour to melt, she explained. Subjecting our breasts and buns to icy cold for that length of time would be far more impressive than dumping ice over our heads. 

Moreover, the videographer this gal hires for weddings would be quite capable of producing a tasteful video of the event with no "full-frontal nudity" with the use of camera angles and special effects also obscuring our faces. The videographer would post the film on You Tube, thus sparing us from breaking our husbands' "no You Tube" rule and the inevitable spankings should they find out.

And the ice sculptor and videographer would likely be willing to do the projects for free as a way of publicizing their businesses, the wedding planner gal said.

I told her she could borrow the phone and she raced into the kitchen. I heard the tumble of her turning the rotary dial as fast she could and excited talking. A few minutes later arrangements were final.

We would undergo the "ice undies challenge" the very next day. As my husband insists on a privacy fence -- Hubby likes to spank me immediately rather wasting time marching me into the house if he discovers I miss a spot mowing the grass and obviously doesn't want neighbors who don't appreciate the 1950s lifestyle spying my discipline -- the event would be held in our back yard.

Wives, ice sculptor and videographer showed up the next afternoon right on time. I also noticed an elderly woman I didn't know.

The wedding planner explained that the woman is her maiden aunt who's a retired school teacher. Having taught back in the day in a rural school where "reading and writing and 'rithmatic were taught to the tune of the hickory stick," the elderly lady would serve as referee, the wedding planner explained.

It would take an hour for our ice undies to disappear. As time went on, a gal might be tempted to put hands over her partially-melted bra or panties to try to warm herself up. If so, the retired schoolmarm would restore her resolve not to cheat by delivering a scarlet stripe across the thighs.

On cue, the elderly lady looked over, smiled and waived her whipping rod in the air.

The ice sculptor unpacked a dozen sets of ice undies. Even though the sculptor and the videographer are men, we wives are so used to stripping on command for our husbands for discipline or sex that we weren't a bit embarrassed to pull clothes off and put frosty bras and panties on.

The videographer took his position and, on his cue, we assumed our poses of hands crossed over heads, chests thrust forward and bottoms arched back.

"This is our town submissive wives' 'ice undies challenge' to raise money in support of research into treatment of ALS disease," we called out in unison. "We challenge submissive wives across the country to undergo the same test."

Then we smiled pretty for the camera and waited for our undies to melt.

Even though it wasn't a particularly hot day for August, the dry ice of my bra and panties felt pleasant at first when pressed against my warm skin. But, as the undies began to melt, I felt discomfort, merely irritating at first but slowly becoming more and more unnerving.

To make matters worse, mosquitos seem particularly drawn to the taste of my blood. (It's because I'm so sweet, my husband likes to tease.) Of course, I covered my arms, legs and neck with bug spray and even dabbed a bit on my forehead and cheeks.

But I didn't think to put any on my boobs and butt. And wouldn't you know it, as soon as my panties melted enough to bare the tiniest bit of flesh, a mosquito swooped in and took a healthy bite out of my ass.

I grinned and bared it for what seemed like the longest time. But the itching bite coupled with the discomfort of what I imagine it would feel to wear a diaper dipped in ice water began to drive me crazy.

Finally I could stand it no more. I glanced out the corner of my eye. The schoolmarm didn't appear to be looking in my direction so I slid a hand behind me and started to scratch.


As usual with a cane stroke, I felt only a minor burning sensation across my thighs at first. A half second later, the pain flooded through me.

"Ouchy, Ouchy!" I cried as I hopped up and down. "That hurt."

"Get back in place with your hands over your head or you'll get another one," the schoolmarm scolded.

"But Miss," I whimpered "My butt itches!"

Despite the obvious discomfort the other wives were in -- I'd heard sniffling from most of them for several minutes before I dared scratch my bottom -- several of them giggled at my comment.

"I don't care. None of the other girls are scratching their behinds," the schoolmarm said. "Assume the position."

Mournfully, I put my hands back over my head.

The ice was starting to melt full force now, water streaming down my stomach from my disappearing bra and down my legs from my half-gone panties, but time still felt like it stood still. Some of the other wives progressed from sniffling to outright crying and moaning.

Finally my bra and panties were nearly gone. I estimated one minute of the ordeal was left.

"Hurry, God, Hurry," I said to myself. "Please melt my undies."

At last just a frosting of ice remained. I counted the seconds and at the tenth, the schoolmarm shouted:

"Time's up girls."

I immediately put my hands to my breasts and rubbed as vigorously as I could.

"Holy shit, feel my tits," one gal shouted at me, "See how cold they are!"

I complied. Before you know it, we were all feeling each other up and laughing uproariously. The we pulled each other together in a group hug, luxuriating in the warmth returning to our bodies.

After we were sufficiently warm, the wedding planner opened bottles of wine. (The liquor store she uses to supply wedding receptions donated it in an exchange for a promotional announcement in our video.)

I opened a patio door, pulled the stereo next to it and put a record on playing my favorite 1950s rock-and-roll songs. We had a sock hop on the lawn except we weren't even wearing socks, if you get my drift. After a couple glasses on wine, the schoolmarm got into the swing of things, stripped down to her birthday suit (circa 1930 if I had to guess) and did a vigorous jitterbug.

The party broke up around 5:00 pm. The wedding planner and the videographer were the last to go. The videographer said it would take a couple of days to prepare the video and post it on You Tube.

He again reassured me that the video would be tastefully done with no full-frontal nudity and our faces blurred. He also said he would put a caption in the video encouraging people impressed by our "ice undies challenge" to donate money in support of research into treatment of ALS disease that includes web addresses for organizations involved in such work.

I don't know how I did it, but in the hour I had left before Hubby returned from work I managed to shower, dress in my customary housekeeping outfit of stockings, heels, pearls and a smart dress, touch up my hair, put on makeup, get the roast that was cooking out of the oven and on the table and mix my husband a martini.

I just dropped an olive in the drink when I heard the "toot, toot" of his horn in the driveway. I met Hubby at the door with his drink in my hand and a kiss on the lips.

He took me by the hand into the den and sat back in his easy chair. As Hubby sipped his drink, I knelt before him, unzipped his fly and began massaging his "Big Unit" in preparation of administering a pre-dinner blow job.

"Boy oh boy, was the office boring today," Hubby sighed. "How was your day?"

"Oh, you know, same old same old," I said. "But I'm never bored. You know how much I love being your wife."

I rubbed for another minute till Hubby was hard. Then I opened my mouth and leaned in.


It seemed like forever for the two days pass for the video be ready to upload on You Tube.

I knew I dare not sneak on the site to look at it, as my husband checks our computer's history cache. But the wedding planner's husband lets her use You Tube for work-related purposes and her looking at our video certainly seemed within the spirit of the rule.

The wedding planner told me she'd call at noon. I was by the kitchen phone and answered on the first ring.

I was surprised to hear the wedding planner sound so glum.

"Go into your computer room and call up You Tube," she said in a solemn voice.

"I can't. My husband will spank me for using that site," I protested.

"Believe me that's the least of your problems," she said.

My heart pounded as I walked into the computer room. I knew to type in the web browser, but, never using the site before, was as a loss as to what to do next.

I picked up the phone next to the computer. When the wedding planner told me what to type into the You Tube search bar, I was shocked.

"Why did the videographer use such a dirty description," I shouted into the phone. "And what in the world is a 'MILF'?"

"It's an abbreviation for a disgusting phrase I don't even want to say out loud," the wedding planner said.

I typed the description into the search bar feeling like I should have my mouth washed out with soap for writing such naughty words. A video came up and I clicked to play it.

"Call me back when you're done watching," the wedding planner said.

The video was exactly what I expected at first. We wives, our faces blurred, stood in a row wearing our frozen bras and panties and shouted in unison that we were participating in the "ice undies challenge" in support of raising funds for ALS research.   

Though it took an hour for our underwear to melt, the video was just 20 minutes long. The film included a stop watch in the upper left-hand corner showing passage of time, including jumps ahead in the action.

The video was perfectly fine at the beginning. But, after the first jump ahead in time, it was clear the videographer's promise of no full-frontal nudity was just so much hot air.

Not only that, but there were plenty of close-up beaver shots, including one that I recognized right away. I knew my husband would recognize me from that shot alone, as he's very particular about how he likes me to style my hair, both up top and down below.

Of course the video included the whole incident of the schoolmarm whipping my thighs after catching me scratching my ass, including a close-up shot of the swelling cane stripe. The last part of the film included us gals feeling each other up to get warm at the challenge's conclusion and scenes from our nude dance party on the lawn.

The videographer even included a scene of the octogenarian schoolmarm doing her nude jitterbug.

The video done, I turned off the computer. I was so angry my face felt like it was on fire as I called the wedding planner back.

I rarely curse, as my mother had a real problem with young ladies using bad language and washed my mouth out with soap when I was a child for saying even mild profanities. But I must admit that I swore like a sailor as I cursed out the wedding planner for using such an untrustworthy videographer. If dear old Mom heard me talking, she would have used the whole bar as punishment.

After I calmed down, the wedding planner told me what happened. The videographer normally charges several thousand dollars for such a project, she said. As he worked for us for free, apparently he felt entitled to make an X-rated version of the event for his own personal use along with a tamer video to post on You Tube.

Unfortunately, the videographer posted the dirty version on You Tube by accident. He realized his mistake almost immediately and deleted it, but in the 30 seconds it was available someone else reposted it. The video went viral in a matter of minutes and was certain be one of You Tube's most-watched videos ever.

But the good news is that with so many people watching it, the "Ice Undies Challenge" was sure to raise a lot of money for ALS research, the wedding planner said. And at least the videographer had the decency to blur our faces.

The wedding planner pleaded with me to telephone the other wives and explain the situation so she wouldn't get yelled at, but I told her she'd have to call the gals and take her lumps like a good submissive woman should.

I hung up the phone and walked into the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator, took out a bottle of wine left over from yesterday's party and poured myself a glass.

I spent the rest of the afternoon sipping wine and munching sugar cookies that I normally only eat on special occasions. I didn't even bother with my afternoon chores. I knew I was going to get spanked hard when Hubby got home whether I cleaned house or not, so I figured I might as well give myself the day off.

I turned on the TV and flipped from station to station. News of our video being a You Tube sensation was played on several stations, including CNN, MSNBC and FOX News.

Thank goodness none of the reporters were able to identify us. I congratulated myself for having the good sense to only socialize with our town's couples who practice the 1950s lifestyle. The submissive halves of those couples were in the video and none of the them were going to call the news stations to confess that we did it.

As it got close to time for my husband to return from work, I put the wine and sugar cookies away. I'd drunk three glasses and had a bit of a buzz.

I walked to the closet where we store spanking implements. I knew my husband would have no  choice but to discipline me with the heavy wooden paddle that he uses when I've been exceptionally naughty.

The face of the board is 12-inches long and attached to a six-inch grip with holes drilled into the face to make it sting more. Hubby nicknamed it "Mister Blister Bottom Crisper."

I heard the "toot toot" of my husband's car entering the driveway. I prostrated myself by the front door with my face on the floor and "Mister Blister" resting on my back.

My husband opened the door. "What are you doing on the floor," he asked.

"Oh honey, I've been really, really bad," I cried from my spot on the floor. "I've disgraced myself."

"There, there, it can't be as bad as at all that," my husband said. "Now stand up and tell me about it."

I stood up with tears streaming down my face. I cried the whole time as I confessed my misdeed.

My husband is not the sort of man to be moved by a woman's crocodile tears. That's one of the many reasons why I love and respect him so much. So I was surprised that, once I finished my confession, he didn't march me right away into the soundproofed closet we use as "punishment room" for a session with "Mister Blister."

My husband pulled his handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suit jacket and wiped my tear streaks away. Then he pulled me close to him.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Hubby consoled. "This was for a good cause and it's not your fault the videographer took advantage of you. Fortunately he has a line-of-credit for his business at my bank which I'm going to freeze as punishment."

He continued: "You gals' faces were blurred so most likely no one will ever recognize you. And I must agree with the wedding planner: the steamy version is getting so many You Tube hits that it will certainly raise far more money for ALS research than the tame version."

My husband told me to put Mister Blister away and meet him in the computer room. By the time I returned the implement and walked to the computer room, Hubby had called up You Tube and was chuckling at the video.

"You did right by fessing up," Hubby said with a grin. "You would never have gotten away with not telling me. I'd recognize that hair patch anywhere"

I knelt next to my husband with my head in his lap. As the video played, I felt his "Big Unit" rising to attention. I unzipped his fly and leaned in.

So I did get a mouthsoaping for my misdeed but with a different kind of "soap." And it certainly didn't feel like a punishment.

Good woman:

Though I'm normally not a proponent of "the end justifying the means," in your case I make an exception. I congratulate you and your fellow submissive wives on the success of the "Ice Undies Challenge."

And to you dear readers, may I remind you that this story is fiction and the "Ice Undies Challenge" is not safe to do, no matter how worthy the goal. Real-life frost bite is no laughing matter.

But just to prove that, unlike the videographer in this story, I'm not just full of hot air, I promise to donate all royalties from the next thirty days from sales of my anthologies "The Best of 1950s Wife" and 'The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2," plus a $50 matching contribution, to charity in support of research into treatment of ALS disease.

Copies of the books may be purchased by clicking on the following links: The Best of 1950s Wife and

 The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2

Don't delay. Get your copies today. Lots of laughs will come your way, plus you'll be doing a good deed too.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Presenting "The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2"

Gals can't stop gabbing about 1950s Wife and her hot tales of naughty wives getting red tails from stern spanking spouses. Her first short-story anthology, "The Best of 1950s Wife" cracked the coveted Top 100 sellers list in the Amazon category Humor & Entertainment>Love, Sex & Marriage.

And whether you're a gal or a guy, her latest release "The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2" has something for everybody!

Baseball fans may savor the flavor of corporal-punishment-style comeuppance given to a snotty socialite in "Naughty Northshore Madam Taken Out to Ball Game. Then Taken to Woodshed." Nordic sports enthusiasts can cheer competitors in the "Spanked Wife Winter Games." Legal scholars may pleasurably peruse the plain text of traditional values promoted in "Supreme Court Affirms 1950s Lifestyle: Back to the Kitchen Bitches!" Fashion mavens may cheerfully "cluck cluck" at the "Naughty Wife Caught in Pajamas During Day. Spanked that Night."

All this plus more, including a special guest star appearance by The Rev. Hornee Hanly, totally awesome dude, delivering his learned opinion on the fascinating subject of "Christian Domestic Discipline."

Don't delay. Get your copy today from for the reasonable price of $2.99 by clicking the following link: The Best of 1950s Wife

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

US Supreme Court Affirms 1950s Lifestyle: Back to the Kitchen Bitches!

This story is now included in my latest anthology "The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2," which may be purchased for ready read on your Kindle from for the reasonable price of $2.99 by clicking this link: The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2

Monday, June 16, 2014

World Cup Blows: Literally

A Gentleman Writes:

I normally don't watch soccer on TV as I prefer more rugged sports such as American football, ice hockey and professional wrestling for my spectating entertainment. But, as a proud American, I will cheer for the USA in the World Cup.

When it comes to televised sports, I'm rather lenient with my wife and let her join me on the couch to watch regular season games and non-marquee wrestling match-ups.

But when football and hockey playoffs and high-priced pay-per-view wrestling are aired, my wife sits in the naughty chair facing the living room corner with ear muffs on so she won't distract me with silly questions and observations such as "why do they call it 'football' when players feet hardly ever touch the ball?," "hockey players have sexy butts," and "professional wrestling looks fake."

With the World Cup consisting of so few fixtures -- if the USA doesn't make it out of the group stage we'll only play three games -- I naturally consider televised matches to equate to "naughty chair time" for the little woman.

So I was rather taken aback when my wife complained that she should at least be allowed to watch USA play its three "group-stage" games. Of course I turned over over my knee, lifted her skirt, lowered her panties and spanked her bottom cherry red for challenging my decision.

But, as I've mentioned, being on the permissive end of the husbandly spectrum, I ultimately decided a compromise could be reached.

Instead of sitting in the naughty chair wearing ear muffs, once the TV is switched on, my wife will place herself naked across my lap on the couch. During the pre-match analysis, I'll give her plump behind a resounding spank with my hand every time a commentator says the word "ball."

This will ensure my wife is in proper submissive mindset and my manhood properly charged for her task during the Big Game: blowing my Big Unit.

Once the match begins, my wife will kneel before me, unzip my fly and take my nine-inch shaft deep into her throat, sucking diligently throughout the game. And, every time USA scores a goal, I'll celebrate the occasion with a Fourth-of-July-worthy explosion, blasting my love juice down my gal's throat.

(I'll permit a five-minute break after each goal to allow my wife to gargle with mouth wash and brush her teeth and for my batteries to recharge. I'm also allowing her a break at half time, as long as she maintains complete silence so I can concentrate on the experts' game analysis. The first peep from her and she's sitting in the naughty chair till the second half begins.)

Must sign off. USA's first match of the tournament is about to start. (I'm typing this message on my smart phone with my left thumb while using my right hand to spank my wife. The commentators said "ball" several times during the pre-match analysis and my wife's backside is beet red.)

Hoping for lots of American goals. Let the fun and games begin. USA!! USA!! USA!!

Kind Sir:

What a loving husband you are, allowing your wife to enjoy the audio portion of big soccer game and the pleasure of sucking your Big Unit at the same time. Two treats in one!

My husband no longer makes me sit in the naughty chair while sports are on TV, as I've learned from many spankings over the years not to disturb his concentration with silly questions and observations that untrained wives are apt to make.

But I found your plans for the Big Game so intriguing that I asked Hubby to treat me to the same.

As we're nearing our golden years, we normally require more preparation before indulging in such recreation. My adrenalin is pumping, though, and I've managed to loosen my jaw with the aid of a banana held in my left hand while typing this reply with my right. Now I'm off to the "powder room" to put on a shade of "blow-job red" lipstick and fetch Hubby an ED pill from the medicine cabinet.

Hubby just turned on the TV. I can hear the crowd's chanting. It's almost like being in Brazil.


Monday, June 9, 2014

May a Gentleman Splash Semen in His Sweetheart's Face?

This story is now included in my latest anthology "The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2," which may be purchased for ready read on your Kindle from for the reasonable price of $2.99 by clicking this link: The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Bent, Bared, Beaten. What's Next? Spanking "Aftercare" Analyzed

A Gentleman Writes:

I recently acquired a wife and am training her. I seem to have a handle on the pre-spanking scolding, and, judging from how she hops around frantically rubbing her bottom shouting "Ouchy! Ouchy!" after I've given her a dose of the "naughty girl paddle," the spanking part is coming along nicely as well.

But colleagues at work and the gym who practice the 1950s lifestyle talk of providing "aftercare" to their wives following a spanking. I fear I may not be up to speed on the procedure. Can you elaborate?

Kind Sir:

Certainly. Just as in every aspect of wife training, ritual is key.

Once she's done entertaining you with her "after-spanking dance," your wife must perform a display of affection and a recitation to show she's truly remorseful for her misbehavior and properly thankful for her loving correction.

Depending on how hard you spanked, she may need a few moments after dancing for her sobs to cease and nose snot to dry. Then, after you've granted your wife permission to pull her panties up, she must curtsy sweetly, kiss you softly on the cheek and recite a saying of gratitude.

As my housekeeping is sterling and adherence to my husband's commands nearly always absolute, Hubby normally spanks me each night after dinner for my general well-being, not for specific rule violations. (As Hubby says, "spanking is for the wife's benefit and the husband's pleasure" and I've learned not to question the reason why.)

Consequently I'm required to say "Thank you Daddy for spanking me so long and hard. I know you do it because you love me and care about how I behave," rather than show remorse for specific misdeeds.

The recently married wife, however, is more apt to actually break her husband's rules, though usually due to the carelessness that stems from a woman's flighty mind rather than willfulness. Thus, you may want your wife to specifically account for each misdeed and solemnly promise to try her best not to do it again, always paying close attention to her tone of voice to ensure genuine remorse.

Even the slightest hint of insincerity in her recitation should be dealt with severely. Rare is the wife to be so bold as to roll her eyes or to let a note of sarcasm slip in during her apology. But if you feel your wife is not properly enthusiastic in saying sorry, return her to her customary place across your lap and spank away.

Once trained, a wife will accept spankings as a matter of course and a sign of her husband's love.

But the young wife, less sure of her self and desperate to please the man who gives her life purpose, often needs reassurance of forgiveness following a spanking. So, after recitation is done, you may want to allow your wife to sit in your lap for a few minutes with her head against your chest as you soothingly say "there, there" and wipe the boo-hoo stains from her cheeks with your handkerchief.

Next comes the post-spanking blow job.

Some couples new to the 1950s lifestyle are curious why this particular sex act is an essential component of post-spanking aftercare. Reasons are twofold:

One, a wife kneeling before her husband to take the 9-to-12-inch penis typically sported by the "Alpha Male" while erect deep into her throat till it tickles her tonsils is the ultimate act of sexual submission. (The more modern among us may argue for anal sex as an alternative, but I'm an old-fashioned gal and never have been too fond of that particular procedure.)

Two, as a red-blooded, virile man, the sight of your wife's round behind turning crimnson as it bounces up and down from application of the naughty girl paddle (and the feel of her soft, warm skin if you spank her with your hand) will naturally produce a raging hard on. And you certainly can't be expected to suffer the discomfort of a "stiffy" left unattended, or the humiliation of self-abuse, during your wife's several minutes of post-spanking cornertime, also an essential component of aftercare.

Once your wife has swallowed your love juice down to the last drop, wait a minute so she can savor the flavor before allowing her to go the the bathroom and brush her teeth. Once she returns, cornertime is next.

If you're the mood to admire your handywork, yank your wife's panties down and have her stand facing the corner of the living room holding her skirt up.

(My assumption is that you administer discipline in the living room, but a special "punishment room" is OK. However, don't use the bedroom, as your wife should associate that room solely with the pleasures of sleeping and sex. And by no means conduct the disciplinary process in your "man cave," as that room should be reserved entirely for watching sports on TV, smoking cigars and other hardy masculine pursuits with your wife never allowed to enter except to vacuum and dust.)

As standing is more onerous than sitting, adjust the amount of cornertime accordingly. But whether she stands or sits in the naughty chair, make sure your wife understands that if you catch her peeking out of the corner just once she'll be soundly spanked again with her time starting over.

As with the blow job, post-spanking cornertime serves two purposes.

One is to allow your wife time to somberly reflect on why she's been disciplined. The second is to allow your vigor to return so you can undertake the subsequent hours of carnal pleasure that is your right as a man to expect each night and your wife's duty as a woman to provide.

If you're like most Alpha Men younger than 40, you'll only need five minutes or so before your husbandly desires return. But, nevertheless, have your wife serve at least 15 minutes cornertime and preferably up to a half hour if you can stand waiting that long. It's a sacrifice you must make for her sake!

Once cornertime is done, send your wife to the bedroom to freshen her makeup, tease her hair and change into a baby doll nightie, the standard sleepwear of the submissive wife. (I have seven of them in separate colors, one for every night of the week.)

Your wife's eager cry of "Honey" will signal it's time for you to come to bed. Once you've entered the bedroom and stripped down to your birthday suit, you may want to entertain your wife for a minute by flexing your biceps and your six-pack abs.

Then climb aboard for the most essential, and most enjoyable, component of post-spanking aftercare: three hours of bed-shaking sex!

And for more observations from talented spank fiction writers on the exciting subject of post-spanking aftercare, click on the following link: