My New Blog: Notes From the "Naughty Chair"

Regretfully, 1950s Husband informed me that 1950s Wife drank a bit too much elderberry wine last night celebrating the Chicago Blackhawks setting the National Hockey League record for best season start ever.

(FYI, for those of you who aren’t cool like me and 1950s Wife and don’t keep up with the world’s greatest sport, the Hawks have gone 17 consecutive games without a loss in regulation time. Yes, the greatest team in the history of sports has 14 wins and three overtime losses where the other team got lucky in the “shootout.”

Hockey awards partial credit for obtaining a tie score in regulation time. That gives the Hawks 31 points in the standings, not that the regular standings matter anymore, as our team is a shoo-in for the playoffs and will of course win the coveted Stanley Cup.)

1950s Husband says he told 1950s Wife to come up to bed with him after the game ended because she had a big day ahead cooking his meals, cleaning house and washing his clothes. But, under the influence of three glasses of wine, 1950s Wife told Hubby he could “stick it in the back of his five-hole” because she was going out for a proper “celly” with the other “hockey rockets” and “hockey bros” at the town tavern.

Luckily, 1950s Husband chased 1950s Wife down before she got to the car. Hubby marched her back to the house, took her upstairs to the bedroom, turned her over his knee, lifted her skirt, lowered her panties and spanked her so soundly with the “naughty girl paddle” that she screamed “Daddy, please Daddy, don’t spank me so hard. I’ll be good.”

In addition, 1950s Husband grounded 1950s Wife for at least two weeks with no computer and no hockey on TV.

So, in the few hours that the “in-crowd” (that’s you and me, dear readers) doesn’t spend watching the Blackhawks, reading about the Blackhawks, thinking about the Blackhawks and knitting Blackhawks sweaters for significant others, I invite you to check out my new blog “Notes from the Naughty Chair” as alternative entertainment. The link is http://naughtychair4claire.blogspot.com/

And if you get a chance, e-mail 1950s Wife updates on the upcoming Blackhawks games. She’s going to sneak a peek at the computer while Hubby’s away at work. He put a lock on the screen, but she’s confident she can crack the code.

Naughty Wife Spanked for Being "Puck Slut." A "Love Spanks" Blog Hop Event

This story is now one of ten included in my anthology "The Best of 1950s Wife," which may be purchased for ready read on your Kindle from Amazon.com for the reasonable price of $2.99 by clicking this link: "The Best of 1950s Wife"

The "Fair Sex" at Fault for Super Bowl Power Outage, Hubby says. Wife to be Spanked as a Result

A Gentleman writes:

As proud Bal’mer residents, my wife and I take delight in the Ravens winning last night’s Super Bowl, even if we still mourn the loss of our beloved NFL Colts team to Indianapolis.

Prior to kickoff, I had unshakable belief in our team’s will to win. Still I felt it only fair to warn my wife that should the unthinkable happen, she was going over my knee to be soundly hand-spanked on her bare behind, as I naturally would need a constructive means to vent my frustration with a Ravens’ loss.

Fortunately for my wife and for me, the Ravens won. Unfortunately for my wife, I intend to give her a good stiff dose of the “naughty girl paddle” upon my return from work today.

The reason: the 35-minute delay from the power outage early in the third quarter delayed my bedtime by a corresponding amount of time and thus reduced my vigor for my pre-breakfast exercise routine of 100 push ups, 100 sit-ups and 15 minutes boxing with the “heavy bag.”

Were it not for silly women like my wife who insist on the frivolous excess of a Broadway musical-caliber “Super Bowl halftime show,” the stadium power outage from excessive energy usage during the performance would not have occurred.

(As an extremely important and busy corporate executive, I haven’t taken the time to read or listen to media reports today as to what actually caused the outage. But, as a man and thus naturally up-to-speed on all matters technological, it’s perfectly clear to me what happened.)

My wife says it’s unfair that I’m going to paddle her posterior as red as the Arizona Cardinals' team jerseys, as she personally didn't cause the outage.

Not that it will change my mind. But, as you strike me as reasonably intelligent for a woman, I’m curious what you think.

Kind Sir:

Of course your wife should be properly paddled and I encourage all responsible husbands residing in the United States’ eastern time zone to do the same with their "little women."

(The game finished early enough for residents of other American time zones to go to bed at a reasonable hour and Ontario and Maritime Provinces residents should have been watching hockey replays on TV anyway.)

Whatever became of old-fashioned halftime performances of marching bands playing John Phillips Sousa tunes and buxom gals in sparkly outfits throwing batons in the air?

That style show is sufficient amusement for spectators in the stands. Wives at home don’t need entertainment, as they must spend the twenty-minute break replenishing their husbands’ supplies of fried beef jerky, beer ice cream and other comfort food.

Still, despite the inconvenience of being kept up past your bedtime, I congratulate you and fellow Bal’mer residents on the win. I’m not much of a San Francisco fan these days. The city has been in a downhill slide since the beatniks took it over.

And please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved Colts to Indianapolis. Johnny Unitas must still be rolling over in his grave about that. (Such a cute haircut that man had!)

By the way, who are the Arizona Cardinals? The only sports franchise I know with that nickname is a baseball team 300 miles to the south of Hubby and me that we don’t care about except when they’re putting a whipping on the Chicago Cubs. (We’re Southsiders.)