"2001: A Spank Odyssey" or "How Stanley Kubrick Ruined My Sex Life"

This story is now included in my latest anthology "The Best of 1950s Wife Vol. 2," which may be purchased for ready read on your Kindle from Amazon.com for the reasonable price of $2.99 by clicking this link: The Best of 1950s Wife

 

My New Blog: Notes From the "Naughty Chair"

Regretfully, 1950s Husband informed me that 1950s Wife drank a bit too much elderberry wine last night celebrating the Chicago Blackhawks setting the National Hockey League record for best season start ever.

(FYI, for those of you who aren’t cool like me and 1950s Wife and don’t keep up with the world’s greatest sport, the Hawks have gone 17 consecutive games without a loss in regulation time. Yes, the greatest team in the history of sports has 14 wins and three overtime losses where the other team got lucky in the “shootout.”

Hockey awards partial credit for obtaining a tie score in regulation time. That gives the Hawks 31 points in the standings, not that the regular standings matter anymore, as our team is a shoo-in for the playoffs and will of course win the coveted Stanley Cup.)

1950s Husband says he told 1950s Wife to come up to bed with him after the game ended because she had a big day ahead cooking his meals, cleaning house and washing his clothes. But, under the influence of three glasses of wine, 1950s Wife told Hubby he could “stick it in the back of his five-hole” because she was going out for a proper “celly” with the other “hockey rockets” and “hockey bros” at the town tavern.

Luckily, 1950s Husband chased 1950s Wife down before she got to the car. Hubby marched her back to the house, took her upstairs to the bedroom, turned her over his knee, lifted her skirt, lowered her panties and spanked her so soundly with the “naughty girl paddle” that she screamed “Daddy, please Daddy, don’t spank me so hard. I’ll be good.”

In addition, 1950s Husband grounded 1950s Wife for at least two weeks with no computer and no hockey on TV.

So, in the few hours that the “in-crowd” (that’s you and me, dear readers) doesn’t spend watching the Blackhawks, reading about the Blackhawks, thinking about the Blackhawks and knitting Blackhawks sweaters for significant others, I invite you to check out my new blog “Notes from the Naughty Chair” as alternative entertainment. The link is http://naughtychair4claire.blogspot.com/

And if you get a chance, e-mail 1950s Wife updates on the upcoming Blackhawks games. She’s going to sneak a peek at the computer while Hubby’s away at work. He put a lock on the screen, but she’s confident she can crack the code.

Naughty Wife Spanked for Being "Puck Slut." A "Love Spanks" Blog Hop Event

This story is now one of ten included in my anthology "The Best of 1950s Wife," which may be purchased for ready read on your Kindle from Amazon.com for the reasonable price of $2.99 by clicking this link: "The Best of 1950s Wife"

The "Fair Sex" at Fault for Super Bowl Power Outage, Hubby says. Wife to be Spanked as a Result

A Gentleman writes:

As proud Bal’mer residents, my wife and I take delight in the Ravens winning last night’s Super Bowl, even if we still mourn the loss of our beloved NFL Colts team to Indianapolis.

Prior to kickoff, I had unshakable belief in our team’s will to win. Still I felt it only fair to warn my wife that should the unthinkable happen, she was going over my knee to be soundly hand-spanked on her bare behind, as I naturally would need a constructive means to vent my frustration with a Ravens’ loss.

Fortunately for my wife and for me, the Ravens won. Unfortunately for my wife, I intend to give her a good stiff dose of the “naughty girl paddle” upon my return from work today.

The reason: the 35-minute delay from the power outage early in the third quarter delayed my bedtime by a corresponding amount of time and thus reduced my vigor for my pre-breakfast exercise routine of 100 push ups, 100 sit-ups and 15 minutes boxing with the “heavy bag.”

Were it not for silly women like my wife who insist on the frivolous excess of a Broadway musical-caliber “Super Bowl halftime show,” the stadium power outage from excessive energy usage during the performance would not have occurred.

(As an extremely important and busy corporate executive, I haven’t taken the time to read or listen to media reports today as to what actually caused the outage. But, as a man and thus naturally up-to-speed on all matters technological, it’s perfectly clear to me what happened.)

My wife says it’s unfair that I’m going to paddle her posterior as red as the Arizona Cardinals' team jerseys, as she personally didn't cause the outage.

Not that it will change my mind. But, as you strike me as reasonably intelligent for a woman, I’m curious what you think.

Kind Sir:

Of course your wife should be properly paddled and I encourage all responsible husbands residing in the United States’ eastern time zone to do the same with their "little women."

(The game finished early enough for residents of other American time zones to go to bed at a reasonable hour and Ontario and Maritime Provinces residents should have been watching hockey replays on TV anyway.)

Whatever became of old-fashioned halftime performances of marching bands playing John Phillips Sousa tunes and buxom gals in sparkly outfits throwing batons in the air?

That style show is sufficient amusement for spectators in the stands. Wives at home don’t need entertainment, as they must spend the twenty-minute break replenishing their husbands’ supplies of fried beef jerky, beer ice cream and other comfort food.

Still, despite the inconvenience of being kept up past your bedtime, I congratulate you and fellow Bal’mer residents on the win. I’m not much of a San Francisco fan these days. The city has been in a downhill slide since the beatniks took it over.

And please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved Colts to Indianapolis. Johnny Unitas must still be rolling over in his grave about that. (Such a cute haircut that man had!)

By the way, who are the Arizona Cardinals? The only sports franchise I know with that nickname is a baseball team 300 miles to the south of Hubby and me that we don’t care about except when they’re putting a whipping on the Chicago Cubs. (We’re Southsiders.)

Stuck in the Naughty Chair on Superbowl Sunday with Nothing to Do? Read "Daddy Issues"

Dear 1950s Wife:

It’s just a few days till “Superbowl Sunday” and normally I’d be really excited.

Being a girly-girl, I of course know absolutely nothing about football. (Why do they call it that anyway? The players’ feet hardly ever touch the ball.)

But I love watching the exciting half-time show, as well as the super-funny commercials. I always have a blast gabbing with my gal pals at the gym the next day about the fabulous singers entertaining at half time and our favorite commercials during the game.

But I’m afraid I got a bit too tickled watching one of last year’s commercials, the ad where the dog’s bark sounds like a fart. I put my hands over my mouth as soon as the commercial ended but I couldn’t help laughing a good five seconds after the game resumed.

Naturally, my husband was upset at his concentration being disturbed. He turned me over his knee and soundly spanked my bottom then put me in the naughty chair facing living room corner for the rest of the game.

And this year he’s not even letting me watch the Superbowl. I’ll spend the two hours prior to the game as usual whipping up a huge platter of fried beef jerky and tray of liverwurst and onion sandwiches with extra mayo so Hubby won’t go hungry during the game. But he’s making me sit in the naughty chair facing the corner as soon as the Superbowl begins.

I wouldn’t really mind as long as I could hear the commercials and the half-time show, as that would at least let me join in the hen talk next day with my gal pals at the gym about our favorite singers and ads.

But Hubby is going to watch “women’s lingerie football” on another channel during half time. And he says the Superbowl commercials’ “blither blather” disturbs his concentration charting game statistics, so he’s going to hit the mute button when the ads play.

The good news is, as I’m being put in the naughty chair for being irritating as opposed to being bad, my husband’s letting me read a book during the three-plus hours of the Superbowl.

He says it has to be self-improving literature that reminds me to be good. Any recommendations?

Also, would you please keep notes on all the commercials during the Superbowl plus who performed at the half-time show and send me an e-mail after the game.

If I don’t keep up with my gym friends’ conversation Monday, they’ll want to know why and I’ll have to fess up that I was sitting in the naughty chair. Some of the women are non-submissive and they like to make fun of me and call me “Lil’ Miss Spanked Bottom” when they hear that I got in trouble.

Thanks.

Good woman:

Yes, I know a great book, the short-story collection “Daddy Issues,” by my good friend Claire Colinsgrove. Reading these hot tales of naughty young women receiving red tails will keep you entertained as well as reinforce your wifely duty to obey your husband at all times.

Two of the stories in “Daddy Issues” include age-play spanking role-play while the other story is strictly M/F spanking romance.

“Daddy Issues” is available in Kindle format on Amazon. To purchase your copy for the reasonable price of $2.99 simply click on this link http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00B6BK41M

And, no, I’m sorry but I won’t be able to send you an e-mail detailing the Superbowl commercials and who sang what at the half-time show.

My husband considers the adoption of the face mask to be a disgrace to the game of football and does not allow the so-called sport on TV in our home. We instead will attend the Sunday night professional wrestling matches at our town’s auditorium watching real men play a real sport.

Wife Can't Wait for V-Day Gift of a New Vacuum Cleaner. "Love Spanks" Blog Hop Event Comes to Rescue with Much Needed Distraction

Dear 1950s Wife:

I’m so excited. I’ve had my eye on the latest high-tech vacuum cleaner on sale at our local department store. I dropped several hints and I just know Hubby is going to present me with it as an extra-special Valentine’s Day gift!

The problem is I’m a bit too excited.

My husband already spanked me once with his hand after I suggested that I wouldn’t mind taking my vacuum cleaner out for a test drive prior to Cupid’s arrival. Now he says that if I don’t stop pestering him about the subject, I’m getting a good stiff dose of the “naughty girl paddle.”

I’m so anxious to play with my new toy. I’ve been marking the days off the calendar and I can hardly wait for February 14 to come round. I don’t think I can stand the anticipation any longer.

Whatever am I to do?

Good woman:

I can sympathize. Our romantic life has been in a bit of a slump lately, so I hinted to my husband the other day that a V-day gift of a spanking-new ironing board would certainly spice things up.

I’m only allowed to drop one hint to Hubby per holiday regarding gifts or else my bottom is soundly spanked. But I know how hard it can be for us women to keep our silly mouths shut, particularly when one is eagerly anticipating the arrival of the latest housekeeping gadget.

For distraction, might I suggest the “Love Spanks Blog Hop” event set for Feb. 9 and 10.

My husband won’t let me use the internet except to post to this blog, as he knows I’d be tempted to waste valuable time Twittering and Facebooking that should be spent cooking his meals, cleaning house and washing his clothes. But I’ve heard from fellow submissive wives whose husbands are a bit more liberal that the spanking fiction writers participating in the hop are the cat’s meow.

Along with the chance to read hot stories, readers who participate in the hop by leaving comments have a chance to win neat prizes, including a grand prize of a choice of a “Kindle” or a "Nook."

I have no idea what a Kindle or Nook is but I’ve heard from fellow submissive wives with a technical bent that the gizmos are really neat-o.

For more information on the “Love Spanks” event, including the rules of the contest, click on the following link: http://governingana.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/love-spanks-2013/

And please be sure to thank your lucky stars when you finally get a chance to take that new vacuum cleaner out for a spin. I can think of no more romantic a Valentine’s Day than the opportunity to give the carpets a good cleaning!

A Brand-Spanking-New "Whipping Girl," Perfect Holiday Gift for the Couple of Means

This story is one of ten that is now part of my anthology, "The Best of 1950s Wife," which may be purchased for ready read on your Kindle via Amazon.com for the reasonable price of $2.99 by clicking this link: "The Best of 1950s Wife"